You & Mie :: & thunders

I was not planning to write down anything, but since I had somethings in my mind and feeling's roller coaster is going on, preferred to write down.

And before I actually start what exactly I feel, I thought I would start with some thing very close to me and hope writing it helps me:

For me, You are one person for whom I would cross any lengths and would do anything, not because that is my only option but for the fact that you are the most precious person I have in my life.
When I said you are my priority and are important to me, I meant every word of it. But are my expectations are too much to handle?
I do not have much words to fill up here, but it kills me every time we have an argument or disagreement and it doesn't matter to me if I am right or wrong- it is because it tends to make us stand away/ against each other.
I am not a easy person to be with (be it any form of relationship), and I know that. But I try not to upset you, that's the last thing I want.

I want to be the person I was long back, who never cared much and who never over thought things. Currently I don't know how to. There's no one to help me. If I do something, every one distant from me or at times I do. I want someone who would fight with me to stay with me but not to go away. With time I have lost myself, the part in me which I loved. And I don't blame anyone but is it too late?

Would want just to sit next to someone, at times, who just listen to all the things I have inside, with whom I can cry out. Not taking me wrong but trying to just listen- doesn't mean I have to be right but just take it out. I always knew this would help me but it won't because when I am around someone I don't say anything of that sort. Can't cry out loud in front anyone. I am scared that they will not understand me or take me wrong and may leave me, like people have done before. I am going away from everyone, and can't even blame anyone...but then no one even cares, they are too busy in their life (not blaming/ complaining, just saying).

I guess this is the truth of life. But it's suffocating, not being able to talk to someone/ anyone.
I just need a break (ha ha..like everyone else) from all the people around. And at the current stage, I can't take any break. I don't want to go in crowd always, sometimes just at home sitting and relaxing.
Is it too much? No, it's not but then why it's hard.
Why everything has to have reasons? Falling in Love or Liking someone/ something doesn't have any reasons to it. After a while, why we stop giving in? (relationships/ your passion). Everything doesn't have to be about being right or wrong, sometimes it's about caring for someone enough and when needed showing it. Caring/ love doesn't come with any condition, we all agree on that. But then why when we are there, we don't even think like this.
Are we not suppose to take care about each other's problems or concerns? Why is it that we only decide to do things as per our convenience?

Well there so many things, that are floating around. Well I guess I will have to change their direction, where they are not in my mind for sure. 

  -- xoxo

Richa Mangal

:)